I made a dating app profile.
Matched with a cutie.
His opening line:
"What's your favourite aisle in the grocery store?"
"The snack section, obviously.
That’s where I belong: I am a snack ;)”
"Ohh I see, and what snack are you?"
Well...
What should I say?
Should I tell him I’m a sweet and sour gummy worm?
Cute and colourful.
Lick off the sugar slowly,
wince when the sour hits.
Your tongue chasing sweetness,
but finding only sting.
Or maybe I’m salted popcorn?
Buttered and warm,
but bite me wrong,
and I’ll wedge in your molar,
a memory you can’t quite spit out.
You’ll pick at me all night,
but I’m not leaving, babe.
No, popcorn’s too tame.
I’m more like spicy crisps.
I’ll set your mouth on fire in the best way.
The kind that makes your lips tingle.
Addictive once you start,
hard to put down,
leaving you wanting more
but just a little thirsty
for what comes next.
So, you reach for the cola with ice.
Refreshing, bubbly,
flirtatious and cool.
You leave it sitting.
It goes flat,
diluted,
and you- iced out.
Perhaps I’m that fancy dark chocolate bar
on the top shelf.
A little pricey, but complex.
Bitter notes softening on your tongue.
The kind you savour slowly,
not something you devour,
in one sitting.
But let’s be honest,
you don’t like bitter chocolate.
Milk goes down easier.
No, wait...
Maybe I’m none of those.
I’m whatever’s at the bottom of the bag:
all broken, salty,
still weirdly addictive.
And old habits die hard.
I’m the kind that changes flavour
depending on your mood,
your hunger,
your honesty.
Try me.
Please. Just one bite.
Find out.
Does it even matter which snack I play?
We both know
you’d rather grab the microwavable meal.
It’s so much more convenient.
You have no patience for anything that takes time.
You don’t mind the cold spot in the middle.
You just want it fast.
Filling,
not satisfying.
Made for easy disposal.
Yet you pick me.
You can’t wait to unwrap me,
but taste me distracted,
your eyes already scanning
the next item on the shelf.
"What kind of snack are you?"
The kind with a bite.
The kind with a warning label
you ignored.
An aftertaste that lingers
longer than your attention span.
A choking hazard
especially for men
who don’t chew properly.
You want a bite?
Better read the label.